I can not believe the last post here was written 10 short days before she was born. Technically speaking, we weren't ready for her... but this miraculous little fighter was ready to conquer the world. Emery Christel was born on April 23, 2015 (Tory calls her a straight 4/23/15) at 2:51 am. At 36 weeks, she was considered "preterm." She weighed a whopping 4 lb 6 oz and was 17.5 glorious inches long. Our tiny little TLO is almost 4 months old now but before I can resume blogging, I feel like I need to go back to the beginning. I can hardly remember life as 2, but I don't miss it one bit.
I have told this story plenty of times, but this is the first time that I have had the opportunity to type it all out at once. Warning: I feel like I can be moderately graphic here because 1. no one is reading and 2. if you are reading, you're either a stranger who is here by accident or a person who has probably seen me at some of my least glamorous moments in life already anyway... Another warning: I feel like this is going to be really long. Like War and Peace long. If you're reading on your phone, good luck. Here we go!
On April 22 (I was 36 weeks pregnant- just a week shy of full term), I woke up at 5 am thinking I needed to pee. I didn't really have the urge or anything but I felt the tiniest dribble and figured I'd better just get up and go. As soon as I got out of bed a little bit more dripped out and I thought to myself "crap, I guess this is where the peeing your pants part of being super pregnant begins..." So I got to the bathroom and sat down to pee and more fluid came out uncontrollably. Not quite a gush but not really a trickle either. I immediately realized this was a new sensation and peaked into the toilet to see what was going on. Sure enough, watery pink liquid, and I knew immediately that my water had broken. I sat in the bathroom by myself for a while- I don't remember how long- and let the realization of what was happening slowly hit me. I do remember being calm and thinking it was weird that I was in absolutely no pain whatsoever. I had been having plenty of braxton hicks for weeks beforehand but nothing painful or even remotely resembling anything I thought labor pains would be like. Eventually I called for Tory (about 100 times because he sleeps like the dead) and finally he woke up. I yelled from the bathroom that my water had broken and he was the first one of many to ask "are you sure you didn't just pee your pants a little?"
Yes, I was sure.
I remembered from our childbirth class that if you're having contractions you were supposed to wait at home until they were close enough together and lasting long enough... although I had no clue what "enough" was. I also remembered that if your water broke-with or without contractions- you were supposed to call your doctor right away for instructions. Tory's memories of our class differed and he insisted that we needed to wait for the magical contractions to get to their magical level of "enough" before doing anything. Eventually I ended up calling the on-call OB at the hospital and was told to wait until 8:00 when my OB practice would be open and then head into labor and delivery and give my doctor a call on the way.
Because we were expecting to at least have a few more weeks before she arrived, we were completely unprepared. I hadn't yet packed my bag, we hadn't built the bassinet or even washed any clothes or blankets for her. As soon as I got off the phone with the on-call doc, we got started with these chores. I sent T to Walgreens for maxi pads and extra large undies to contain the mess, which by the way.... continued trickling in various quantities for the next THREE HOURS. That was fun. We did a few loads of laundry, I packed my bag, and we headed out around 9 (an hour late).... after stopping at the Mcdonalds drive through for breakfast because I figured that would be my last meal for a while. We got stuck in some rush hour traffic en route to VA Hospital Center but got there around 9:30 and my OB was waiting for me at labor and delivery. I was still not having even the tiniest contractions and was all sorts of excited when we got there.
So I strolled into L&D and as soon as I checked in and the nurses got a look at me and all my happiness and definitely not having "enough" contractions, they started giving me the whole "are you SUUUUURE you didn't just pee your pants/ its total normal and happens all the time...." speech. Unless urine trickles uncontrollably and unpredictably for hours on end, I was preeeeetty sure I hadn't peed on myself. My doctor even said "Listen, if she says she is sure, she's sure.... she is not being triaged and not being sent home. Admit her right now. If I am wrong about this, I will wash the linens and clean the room myself." NOTE: this is when it pays off to be a low maintenance patient. I really think that because I really only saw them for my routine prenatal visits, she took me seriously when I showed up with my water broken and no contractions.
They got me set up in a room- number 9- my softball number for, like, my whole life. They tested the fluid and immediately determined that my water had broken. Duh... I got my IV fluids going and changed into my super glamorous, open in the rear gown. My doctor came back to check my progress which she presumed to be nil because I wasn't having contractions. Sure enough... cervix was hard as a rock and none of the other fun stuff that was supposed to happen when you're in labor had actually happened. She had to come in with the assist for some of this stuff which was super fun... and by super fun I mean insanely uncomfortable... but with all of that fun, came the proverbial GUSH of the rest of the amniotic fluid. And thennnnnn came the discussion of the drugs.
As I previously mentioned, I did not have any formal birth plan because I felt like my lack of experience made me highly unqualified to make any sort of demands regarding my medical care and the wellbeing of me and my unborn child. The closest thing I had to a plan was to go as long as possible without any type of drugs and to do everything that was considered safe by my doctor to achieve a vaginal delivery. I was completely open to an epidural if/when the time presented and completely open to a c-section if that was the safest option for my baby. I just really wanted to try it the old fashioned way before I went those routes. Alas, because I had prematurely ruptured I would be getting IV antibiotics... They didn't really seem to give me any option in that matter, which was fine because I understood the infection risk and did not want to deal with that complication. So now I've been a patient for 10 minutes and already have agreed to one form of medication. In go the antibiotics.
The doctor also said that because my water had broken but my cervix hadn't caught up, I had a few options with how to proceed: Cytotec (which ripens the cervix.... I took this during my miscarriage because my body had gone weeks without actually expelling the baby and tissue), Pitocin (which they told me was highly effective and highly aggressive), or to wait. They encouraged the Cytotec because it was the least invasive, and strongly discouraged waiting. I was told that if I opted to wait and she wasn't born within the next 18 hours, I would need a c-section due to the infection risk of having ruptured prematurely.
So I had my first meltdown over the Cytotec. I mean, talk about bad juju. I was not thrilled to be taking the same medication I took to basically induce a miscarriage in order to deliver my healthy, living child. I was scared and still really emotional about it. But I opted to go this route, hoping to avoid Pitocin all together. 15 minutes as a patient and now I've been given 2 different drugs.
So I took 3 doses of Cytotec over the next 10 hours and the contractions really got going. My entire family AND Tory's entire family showed up even though we told them not to. We all walked about 100 laps around L&D until they decided it was better if they just took turns walking laps in shifts... bless them. I was the only person not in active labor/about to have a child. My contractions were intense but highly erratic and did not seem to be getting regular or anywhere near "enough" at all. All of our family got bored and went home, which I was thankful for. Tory and I needed some time together before this really started happening and it's a lot of pressure to have a baby when 7 people are waiting and you're not getting any closer. At 6:30pm my OB said that I could eat a light dinner because she didn't think I would be having a baby until later the next morning/early afternoon (imagine my surprise at this news... I could have choked her) and that I should stop walking and try to get some rest. She would be around soon with the night shift OB to give report. I met the night shift OB who said "do NOT eat dinner" (too late) and "We are going to scrap this whole Cytotec plan because its going nowhere." So in goes the Pitocin (Drug Number 3).
I should mention here that at this point, I've been there 11 hours and my cervix has been checked exactly twice. When I was first admitted and after 2 doses of Cytotec (I was 100% effaced and 1 cm dilated... devastation). I was repeatedly told that they did not want to check me because of the infection risk. So all of these decisions were made based on my contractions... which as I mentioned were intense but irregular.
Pitocin is a violent, ugly drug. The nurses scared me out of walking anymore once the pitocin was started because they said if I had a misstep and tripped over the IV, I could be given a bolus of the stuff which would make my uterus seize thus severely damaging my child or something else scary that I can't remember. It all sounded really terrifying soooo I laid in bed and watched Friends and tried to rest and to get comfortable. At around 9:00 the practical part of my brain spoke up and was like "Listen, if you're just going to be laying here anyway and if you aren't going to have a baby until tomorrow afternoon anyway, you might as well get the epidural now and at least get some sleep tonight." So in went the epidural (Drug cocktail #4 if you're still counting). Which I have to say, I was really nervous about... but the anesthesiologist was amazing. He put me right at ease and gave me the most simple and clear instructions. The epidural went in without any issue EXCEPT that I was still feeling everything. I decided I would give it a few minutes before I said something. My left leg got a little tingly over the next hour but that was about it. When my nurse came in I told her I was still feeling everything and she was all "Well, how often are you administering a dose?" Say what? No one told me the thing was patient controlled OR gave me the magical little button that I could push every 10 minutes. So anyway. Things got better quickly after that. But just when I started dozing off, the nurse came in "Ahem... ahem... I'm sorry sweetie but your blood pressure is like super high so we need to roll you. And we are going to need to roll you every 20 minutes until it goes down and stays down." This in addition to my hourly temperature taking guaranteed that I would not be getting any rest despite the epidural all night. To top it all off they kept losing track of Emery's heart rate so they would then have to come back in and reposition the monitor. They kept saying "Your baby just won't stay still..." ha....hahaha.... there was a reason for this, naturally.
So the rolling and flipping went on for a couple of hours and meanwhile the Pitocin got turned up all the way. At 2:00am the nurse came in and said "Ahem... ahem... sweetie.... your baby's heart rate has been dropping a little but until now it has bounced back on its own quickly. We just had a pretty significant drop and it took a while to bounce back so we need to turn off the Pitocin... Annnnnnnnnnd give you another drug (number 5!) to stop your labor all together. Your baby needs a break."
WHAT
Cue meltdown.
Poor Tory had finally managed to catch a wink and woke up when I got upset. I gave him the details and I could tell that he was really worried. The nurse came back in and said "Before we give you this other drug, I want the doctor to see you. She's in the next room delivering her third baby of the night but she will be over as soon as she's done. Its been a busy night around here." Kick me when I'm down... sheesh.
So the doctor came in and explained the situation- basically repeated what the nurse said and agreed with the recommendation- and started to walk out the door before suddenly turning around. She said "Actually, you haven't been checked since this morning, so before we do anything, let me just check your progress. Sometimes when you start with Cytotec and then have Pitocin they all kind of start working at the same time and things can go a little haywire."
On go the gloves and in go the fingers.
"Oh, well... I know why we were losing your baby's heart rate so often. I JUST FELT HER EAR. You're having a baby right now. Probably in like 10 minutes."
WHAT
Cue meltdown.
Cue uncontrollable shaking and trembling... which by the way, the doctor noticed and assured me that this was completely normal and happens to everyone. Can anyone out there vouch for this? Anyway...
So they started breaking the bed down and called the NICU team... telling me that it was just a precaution because she was technically preterm and they thought she might be a little on the small side. The NICU team took their sweet time and 5-10 minutes went by. The doctor says "Well let's just see what happens when you push, go ahead when you feel the urge." and gives me this little step by step of how to really bear down and push. Also, I had stopped dosing the epidural a while before this and was feeling a good bit of sensation down there, but no pain. So when my next contraction started, I pushed once and out came her entire head and neck.
And Tory watched, bless him... that was not the plan. He decided for himself that did not want to see, but when I asked him why, for the love of all that was holy, was he looking?! He was all "I DONT REALLY HAVE ANYWHERE ELSE TO LOOK SORRY"
So her head and neck are out and the doctor says "OK STOP PUSHING. You're a good pusher. No more pushing." The NICU team finnnnnally showed up after taking their sweet time and we were all set to go... somehow in all of the waiting and watching her head and neck went back in so we were starting from square one. I got the cue to push and out it came again. The doctor told me just to give a tiny push this next time. So that's what I did, I swear. But she came out all at once. So fast that I actually heard the doctor gasp and say "Oh myyy!" and then "So tiny!" And off she went to the NICU team. Thank the Lord in Heaven that she came out screaming and flailing and SO ANGRY otherwise I would have been really concerned that they just whisked her away like that. They measured her and told me they were going to take her after we held her for a quick minute (more on this later). She was much smaller than they expected. Her APGARs were 8 and 9, so I wasn't too worried. I didn't realize that a 36 week baby should weigh at least 6 lb.
They stitched me up and took her away. Tory went with her and when he got back to me, he looked around and had this look of horror on his face "What HAPPENED?" I kid you not, friends, there was blood everywhere. Blood on the floor, blood on the cot, blood on the rocker across the room, ACTUAL BLOOD ON THE CEILING. I still have no clue how it all got so messy but the nurses were shocked too when we asked them about it.
From there, she stayed in the NICU for 4 days due to her size (measuring 34 weeks) and developing jaundice due to coombs. She got down to 4lb 2 oz, but was 4 lb 4 oz when we brought her home. Her discharge paperwork included a diagnoses of Intrautirine Growth Restriction... a diagnosis that was not given prenatally and was news to us. I plan to write about all of this and more in the near future, but for now I will just end with this...
She's here and she has taken off. Thank GOD that she knew it was time to come when she did. She has tripled her birth weight and as far as I can tell is right on track with all of her developmental milestones.
She is a miraculous little fighter with her own plans and agenda.
She is spirited and feisty. She is sweet and cuddly. She is expressive and dramatic. She loves her Daddy and her kick and play piano mat. She loves to squeal and coo when someone she knows talk to her but is intense and appears to be studying the world when she is in a new place or around new people. She has changed my life for the better and my heart will never be the same. She made me a Mama.
